ASKED & ANSWERED!
Desperate Momma - May 22, 2023
I just had my first baby a month ago, and I’m really overwhelmed trying to set boundaries with friends and family. For example, I know she means well, but my mother-in-law pops over without any notice. I usually love receiving guests and I know they all want to be there for me and the baby out of love, so how do I set rules without seeming rude?
Thank you, Desperate Momma
Dear Desperate Momma,
Right now you have a social “get-out-of-jail card” for pretty much everything. You don’t need to worry about anyone else except for your baby and yourself right now. The first few months can just be a matter of survival mode, and people will give you grace knowing you aren’t your usual entertaining, overly welcoming self. I think right now to avoid moments of frustration where you can lose your cool, send a super friendly and polite (yet honest and firmly worded) email or text to each one of the family and friends who you want to set boundaries with. Remember it’s important to set boundaries early on or it will likely stay like this. Here is a template that you may wish to edit into your own words:
Hi XX You have been so wonderfully caring thus far and I really appreciate all of the thoughtful gestures since baby XX has arrived. I am going to start putting her on a schedule now with sleeping, eating, walks etc and I am going to therefore be scheduling visitors so that I can manage it all a bit more easily. I am asking all family and friends to please send me a text including when you would like to stop by so that I can schedule the week accordingly to make sure I have her on a good sleep and eating plan, and that you also get all your baby cuddles in too! Thank you so much for understanding and for all your love and support. Love, XX
I hope that is helpful and remember that you are doing great. xx, MM
Coworker Competition - April 4, 2023
My coworker and I who are really, really close, are going after the same promotion that’s available at work. She mentioned she was going to try for it, but I’ve been at the company longer and would like to put my hat in the ring too. How can I tell her I’m applying, as well?
Firstly, I’m so happy to hear you’re going for it! You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. It sounds like you are a wonderfully compassionate person, as many people would just apply without thinking about the other people involved. I think it’s important to be direct, but also show unity and support, and not stir up any competitiveness. I think in the next conversation with her I would say something along the lines of “I know you mentioned that you were going to apply for the new role at the company and it sounds like an amazing opportunity. I’m in a similar headspace where I’m really ready for that next step too, so I also am applying, in addition to any other roles that I might qualify for. I wanted to tell you that no matter what, I’ll be supporting you and hope we can both find amazing new roles soon.”
Remember, a good friend will also be supportive back and I truly hope she is as compassionate as you are. Now go put on your power outfit and go get em!